Turning Deficits into Strengths

This morning, as I lay in bed long before my alarm clock went off, my skin was keen to the texture of my pillow, my blankets and even the smooth surface where my alarm clock stood. Some mornings, I feel the ocational wet but cold nose so familiar of my sid-kick  touching my hand to signal to me that he too was awake nd wanted to know if we could get up. Then imagining the days travel plans. s results in either signalling him back down or me just taking comfort in his warm fur coat.

All of this is done, in the dark and without hearing a single thing. Yes, complete darkness and without sound because my cochlear implants are not in. They are in their machine being "cleaned" of airborne debris to help maintain their working condition, while the batteries are charging.

Imagine that! It must be scary!  It may be fore some, but not for me. It is times like this that I often go into meditation. I feel blessed with the ability to block out all distractions of sight and sound and really meditate, really be mindful of what is going on with my other senses while examine my thoughts, memories and even anticipations of the future. I often examine my fears.  Because of this, I am really able to examine my fears, examine how my thought process works (although, others will tell you something different!).

I really enjoy this ability to meditate deeply as it helps me reflect and refocus my energy.  It is through this process that I am okay being deaf-blind. It is also a time for me to connect to my Higher Power to seek insight in how to overcome or approach a challenge. 

The beauty of this is that I can choose to put my cochlear implants in, and turn on some music, and also bring that sort of stimulation into my mediation. But I don't do that. I turn on my internal MP3 player. I mentally create my music of what I want to hear, acting as the conductor. I have had this ability for as long as I can remember, especially when I had no benefit from hearing aids.

So yes, being deaf-blind isn't all that scary. In fact, it has some benefits and perks!

I am back!

I am back!

I just took a little time to read through some of my previous posts. Some of the posts I have forgotten about. Some of them evoked mixed emotions. I think that's normal for anyone who has been through many challenges in their life. I have learned that it is okay to have and express emotions. I really don't need permission to do so. Some people may not allow you that safe space to express emotions, and that is okay. I can always go somewhere else where it is safe, right?

So much is going through my mind at this time. So much has happened. I've earned my Master of Social Work! That has been a huge accomplishment that I never thought were possible. I graduated with a 3.921 GPA.

I have had to retire my beloved Archer from guide work. I won't lie, but I miss him dearly! But I also know he is in a great home enjoing his retirement. I need to stop making excuses and just go visit him.

I have my new guide, Lou. We have been together for 3 months. We've not been off to a good start but things are starting to turn around. He has had some GI issues that I hope we finally got resolved.

Moving forward....I plan to talk about various topics that can affect an individual who is both deaf and blind. Such topics will include job search, challenges getting services, challenges dating and sexuality.  As I have lost quite a bit of vision that this poses several issues for me. Will I lose my vision before I meet her? What does attraction look like for a blind person? Attraction is initialized by some form of physical appearance that draws you towards someone. How does that work when you cannot see?

Comment to state a pressing topic that you are itching for me to share! I think that will make my journey a little easier! What do you want to know about the World According to Darran? :)

Until next time...be good to yourselves, spread smiles and show love to all that you encounter. It could just make their day!

Guide Dog Injury

One of the most damning things you can do to yourself is beat youself up for a guide dog you put so much faith and trust into, gets injured.

It begian with a walk up to Maverik, a 1.5 mile one way trek) on asphalt trails. The weather seemed fine, inspite the hot weather we have had. Winds were cool. It never dauwned to me that the asphalt would damage his pads. 

Wednesday moringing (Fourth of July) I looked at him and saw just how much pain he was in. What I didn't realize was that his pads were burned and blistered. My heart sank and a knot tied in my somach.  The purpose of going to Maverik was to inquire of the possibility to do a car wash fo rthe fundraiser. It turned out that they could also no longer have a donation jar up due to corporate rules (at least not without corporate approval). I felt bummed but determined to continue my efforts to raise funds.

We got home and Archer just flopped down. He was exhausted. A tired dog is a good thing. However, I didn't realize he was in pain until the next day. 

As I quickly searched the internet for some home remedies to see what I can do to help him, at least until Friday when he has his annual Well Pet Exam. I found that washing with an anti-bacterial soap and using ansomething like Betadine will help sooth things over. So I went to Walgreens in search of First Aid for a dog kit.  Got back home, got him cleaned up and wrapped up, he seemed better. He wasn't limping as much. I placed him in his crate to keep him down and prevent any walking.I also recieved a reply from one of his trainers at GEB and she indicated I was doing all the right things to take care of his injury. 

That, however, was not enough. He was hot, he was not drinking or relieving himself. All he did was flop on the floor in front of the water dish or when taking him outside. This greatly concerned me. So once again, I searched to see what type of pain medication I could help him. He was in pain, he was groaning a bit. Yet, he never complained, never made a peep and was obedient to everything I tried to do to get him comfortable. 

Finding they had OTC pain releif at pet stores, I jumped in with some friends to run to PetSmart. While we were there, I noticed that Banfield was open. I was surprised and went over to talk to them and see if I could get them to look at Archer and seek input. They had an opening, so I ran home and picke dup Archer and brought him back. 

The Vet said he was one of the most healthy dogs he's ever examined. He knew I was taking care of him. We discussed options. The best recommendation was to get the cone and Rimadyl for pain releif. Pads are difficult to treat and heal. They eventually fall off and regrow, much like blisters on our own hands and feet. But the pain med was MUCH better.  If any infection was going to show up, that can be addressed at my Well Pet Exam on Friday as it would take a couple of days for any sign s of infection to show up even with an open blister on the pad. 

They waived the exam fee, only charging me for the medication and the cone. 

Once we got home, I fed and wtered him and he finally drank! He wouldn't all day and would take a few drops of water from a trukey baster.  He also was able to releive himself too.

Today, Archer is MUCH better, much more comfortable. Heslept very well last night. He is more himself. 

I am grateful that Banfield was open on a holiday (much to my surprise I'll add).  The Rimadyl helps him, kinda knocks him out or makes him drowsy so he's very comfortable. I think that is what helped him relax a bit from all that pain so he could eat, drink and do his business.

 I don't know what I'd do without him. I worry about him like I worry about my own kids when they are sick or not feeling well. I know I can't beat myself up because of this too. I mean it was my fault for that walk and not taking the precautions I did. So ya, I blame myself for this one. He knows I took car eof him as he started to lick my face and tell me he was feeling better! Made me feel better, but it doesn't remove just how painful it was for me to watch him go through all of that.

Love you Archer! Thank you for everything you do for me!

Four Year Anniversary

Four years ago today, is the day that the car accident occured. I remember it as if it just happened.

We were going to do some shopping, just like we would normally do any given evening. But this time, we were on a detour route given that Main Street was closed due to the Parade.

We were driving Eastbound. The thing I remember next is the slamming of the breaks and watched Sharon swurve out of the way until we went BAM and I saw this big truck sitting inside our engine. I could hear the engine grinding and quickly turned the key off. I was freaked out. Looking around at Sharon seeing if she was okay. I was hurt. I was already hurting from a pulled pec muscle in the left pecs and the seatbelt didn't make it any better, especially having been in the accident and thrown forward.

By the time I got my door open there was a police car that just arrived and stopped right to my right side. I went to the back door to retreive my then 2 year old daughter and check on my 9 year old son were OK. Sharon seemed okay. Looking at the accident, I was amazed at what happened.

There was a Ford F350 Quad Pick up Trick that landed into our engine. Fluids were all over the place, several pieces of our engine were all over the road. Fortunately, the hood to the engine did not even touch our windshield, otherwise, it could have gone through. It was less than an inch away.

It was a teenager that drove that truck, speeding and running a stop sign.

They had a difficult time pulling that truck off our engine and out. When they did, amazingly, there wasn't a dent! But our car was totalled. Bolts, screwd, all fluids (oil, radiator, transmission, etc) were all lost. I had then realized had SHaron NOT try to avoid this truck, that that truck would have landed right into her lap, T-boning us. She would not have survived.

It wasn't for another 24 hours that she started showing signs of problems. She was on narcotics for the entre month of July, the same time I recieved acceptance to Guiding Eyes for the Blind to get my guide dog Archer. It was the difficult decision to leave her and my three children while getting my guide dog.

She was officially diagnosed with a concussion a week later. After trying to get into a neurologist, we finally got in and got all the special testing done that resulted in a TBI (Traumatic Brain INjury).

It has been an emotional roller coaster trying to get some help for her. I put off many of my plans and goals to focus upon her recovery.

We now know that she won't improve much. The more time elapses without any change, the more likely hood it becomes a perminant injury. This is why it is now my turn to take care of myself. Try to get my Cochlear Implant, apply to Grad School so I can pursue my dreams.

Being able to hear will open the doors to me even though I am deaf and blind. Communications barriers will be broken down and enable me to do and move forward with my goals.

Grateful and Blessed

I am most certainly feeling extremely grateful and blessed today.

I created a flyer and sent it out to some of my friends and family via email. I have had an outpouring support by everyone! And at the same time, I sent the flyer to a friend (yes I call him a friend even though I really don't hang out with him but was suggested I contact him and see how he can help.)

Anyway, his son is working on his Eagle Scout Rank and is looking for a Service Project. He was wondering if he could help organize a fundraiser to help raise funds. This would help my lovely wife and I so much! She put out so much effort to keep us afloat financially that her brain injury leaves her no room fo rhome enjoyment or work much on such a project. I am very grateful for the support and love I have gotten.

In all my years, I have always put other people first. I have a mentality that others need help more than I do.
"Somebody else needs the CI more than I do."
"Someone else needs the guide dog more than I do."

I've realized that with this mentality we really cannot help others unless we first help ourselves. That enables us to be positioned better to help others. I am very excited for this. Most certainly grateful to th edepth of my heart. I wish I could have it all done and over with now but for some reason God, the Creator had other plans, plans for people to do service.

In order for people to serve, there must be a need. Service cannot be rendered without a reciever. I guess I have a hard time playing the "reciever" end of Service. It's a pride thing, I suppose. A learning experience.

I'm having a hard time expressing my words right now.

May Postpone CI Surgery

There is a heavy feeling upon my chest today. The reality of having to postpone my Cochlear Implant Surgery.

It's very difficult to express how I feel right now. Obviously, getting the second Implant is going to do alot of good for me as my vision gets worse. I mean, I barely have useable vision as it is. I'm unable to identify faces of people. This is the scariest part.

$15,000 is alot of money to ask for help with. Surgery is at the University of Utah Hospital. They want 10% down before then which amounts to $1,511 then after billing goes through I could make payment plans.

I feel bless to have The West memorial Foundation, Inc to help me raise the funds. Right now we are working at getting a few loose strings attached. It may take a little bit longer than anticipated. Thus having to postpone surgery.

I don't want to get into a financial bind where I may not raise enough funds to cover my part. This was a perfect window of opportunity: To get the surgery done now, get my training at the Blind Center, take a Social Work Class this fall that I need required for my Graduate Studies (again Social work) and enter the Social Work program next fall.

With a wife who suffers a brain injury as a result of a car accident, three children, you know, alot of weight is on my shoulders and getting this CI was a means to remove some of this weight so I can help my wife's burden and not have to be so dependant upon her to bring all the dough home.

If I postpone, when? December? Gah! I had the first one in December and I got sick, was on antibiotics for 5 weeks! Not a good thing!

I hope Cochlear OMS would respond to me soon. I gave them somewhat a sob story, well not really, just pointing out the facts of being deaf-blind, a wife with a brain injury and three kids. Maybe they'll respond and donate a device for me? Or reduce the cost to the hospital? I dunno.

I've tried every vene I could think of.

What do I do? Maybe I'm being a bit impatient?

Have Faith. Have Hope, never give up Hope. He knows what I'm up against and He will lead the way.

Vist to the University of Uta College of Social WOrk and Lecture at Department of Special Education

This past Tuesday, I took on my annual visit to the College of Education: Department of Special Education lecture on Deafblind Communication and Technology. But first let me detail the visit at the College of Social Work with the Graduate Advisor.

I arrived a bit early so that I could ensure that I got to the right building. Sure enough, I'm glad I did because I got a bit lost! When I entered the building, I somewhat went around each wall trying to locate the elevator. To no avail, I went to get some water to drink and sat down to "cool off" as I was sweating like a dog. And Archer was panting as well. He did great work helping me navigate! 

A few minutes later, there were two students, thta appear to be in their early 20's or so, both female. They wanted to come meet Archer and talk about him (he's a magnet for conversations!). I feel so blessed to have the one Cochlear Implant because without it, I'm sure the outcome would have been totally different. At least they were standing on my right side so I could hear clearly. 

One of them fetched a box of kleenex and said "here you are sweating!" I felt ashamed but then realized they were helping me cool off so I helped myself to wiping my sweat off my face and neck. They asked if I wanted water and I told them I found the fountain. Then they asked if Archer wanted some water. I told them I did not have a bowl for him. "No worries, we have one he can use.". I felt blessed that these two caring animal lovers would bring a 2 foot long oval type bowl to let Archer drink it all up! They helped me find the elevator and I was up on my way to visit the Graduate Advisor. 

Had a great visit. We talked about th eprogram, my interests and WHY I wanted to go into the program. She reviewed my transcript and I pretty much met everything with the exception of one class so I plan to take that non-matriculated this Fall so that I can proceed with the Graduate School application. 

Finding my way to the Milton Bennion Hall was an adventure! There was so much contstruction going on that I had no sidewalk to take from Social Work to MBH. I ended up walking back to South Campus Drive to head East going up the hill and thinking I'm "beyond the construction" and cut back in (North). Oops! Construction!  Poor Archer was working hard. Fortunately, there was very cool wind and wasn't as hot as it was when I first arrived on campus late morning that day. So we walked back to South Campus Drive and head East again. I decided it would be best to just keep walking up to the Huntsman Center and then come back around and over to the MBH. 

The lecture went well. There were only three students in that class. Much smaller than normal. I was aware of this from the PRofessor contacting me earlier. I decided instead of my traditional powerpoint presentation on communication and technology, we just sat around while I discussed part of my life dealing with Usher Syndrome. How I lost my vision, my hearing, my journey to get a Cochlear Implant. How the CI has improved my life and how the blindness hinders full functionality with just one CI. 

We talked about the upcoming pilot program the FCC is doing called the National DeafBlind Equipment Distribution Program (NDBEDP). This is a pilot program that State PUC/PSC Equipment Administrators to distribute much needed equipment for the deaf-blind.